when you’re gone, for some reason, it’s miserable. i stay at home alone with my cat and play a couple video games. oh, and eat. so i’m inactive and at home all day. i can’t obtain the motivation i need to go take a walk or jog around the neighborhood like i used to. so i’m just here, getting less and less attractive than i already was. and meanwhile, you’re hours and hours away having the time of your life without me. 

i hope you never do this again… especially not during the holidays. they’re so lonely and unbearable without you. happy new years, wherever you are. linus and i will watch from here.

i’m sorry. you’re right. you were supposed to be with me today. you couldn’t. but even so, please talk to me. i’m supposed to be with you right now. please talk to me. 
i almost don’t want to see you tomorrow because i fear i will say something emotional and be angry with you.
i do not want that.
please talk to me. 

seriously, it may sound a little cruel, but i’m a bit glad she’s gone. for one, she hurt him so badly in the past. two, while he was kissing me, he was still in love with her. i know that he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, but it’s just comforting to return and see that she is no longer there.

i’m hanging upside down from the sky. the clouds are at my feet. i want to see you again, but my arms will never reach. and if you could spare a glance, perhaps you could cure my mind of all these demons and misfits.

you are an angel;
you are the snow,
and you are the morning.
you’d light the way,
so they could cross
into what appeared to be
tomorrow.

i am the monster;
i am the rain,
and i wake over night.
i’d hide away,
so you won’t see
that i’d carry you into
darkness.

yuck. ringo.

i understand guys and girls can be just friends, but her obvious flirting on your wall, and you flirting back doesn’t help at all. plus, she’s always at your place, leaving her stuff there. i just … i know you said other people don’t matter, but that could easily be swayed with time around her. maybe you’ll see traits that she has that are better than mine some day. and that terrifies me. i want to talk to you all the time, but not when you’re with her. i really don’t like this. 

it wouldn’t be so bad if everyone wasn’t telling you that she has a thing for you. how can i not be at least a little worried when i hate myself so much and still don’t understand why the fuck you’re even with me ?

jealousy. hey, jealousy. jealousy. jealousy. jealousy.

I don’t want to exist. I don’t want to die. I just want to never have been alive at all. To disappear. Dying is far too simple. I hate this body. Not only the way it looks, the way it operates. I hate how many problems I have, and I hate how it can so easily ruin what could have been the best weekend of my life. 

Fuck, I just don’t want to be here anymore. I’m so sick of hearing these other people in the hall who have friends and have such normal, functioning bodies. I can’t be that way. I can’t even do what we were designed to do correctly : live.

But who can, really ? I’d rather be a pillow.